Be True To Yourself

I've been thinking a lot in recent weeks about how people determine what is right and wrong. It must be a struggle for a young Muslim student who studies in America or England, for a secular English person who marries and lives in the Middle East, or for those who work abroad, etc.
In this modern world, with multiculturalism surrounding you, you can't assume that the person working in the cubicle opposite or the neighbor next door shares the same values. When you live in a cross-cultural setting, shared values may be even fewer. You may experience daily situations that are not so black and white.
We all know that to be successful living abroad it's important to know how to behave in other cultures. You may find some behavior that you can't embrace because it goes against what you believe is right. Sometimes I receive letters from expats describing situations at work or in the home that they are concerned about and do not know how to handle. Every culture and (more importantly) every person has their own measuring stick on the ethics of right or wrong. If you mess up, just learn from it!
One of the lessons most of us tend to learn in life is that mistakes and missed opportunities are a part of our growth cycle and there will be times when we speak out when we should have remained silent and times when we are silent when to say something would have been appropriate. Thinking back over the years about times when I practiced silence or when I voiced my opinion, I realize that sometimes I was right when I did so, but other times I should have done it differently. Knowing when to speak is an art developed over time.
Looking through some old pieces I have written I came across the article “Silence is golden” (May 8, 2012), where I quote from a book titled “Seeing Gray: Where Faith and Politics Meet,” by Adam Hamilton. Dusting the cover off and flipping through the pages I am reminded that Hamilton shares three ways of thinking about and practicing ethics, which forms what I call our personal “measuring stick.” These are rules-based ethics, outcomes-based ethics and virtues-based ethics. In my next piece I'll explore these in more detail. But for now, I want to share the full version of Dale Wimbrow's poem “The Face in the Glass,” which I only shared a few lines of in “Silence is golden.” Here is the practical application:
When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself
And see what that face has to say.
For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass,
The person whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
Some people might think you are a straight-shootin' chum
And call you a great guy or gal,
But the face in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look it straight in the eye.
That's the one you must please, never mind all the rest,
That's the one with you clear to the end,
And you know you have passed your most dangerous test
If the face in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on your back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the face in the glass.
The poem reflects the dilemma we face when making decisions based on a set of virtues or values. This can be tricky if the source and selection of the virtues are not trustworthy and true.
When you are a foreigner living in a cross-cultural situation, you need to be true to yourself and have discernment. Your values may differ but they are yours. After all, most locals -- anywhere in the world -- do not really like a foreigner coming in and telling them what to do and how to live.

CHARLOTTE MCPHERSON (Cihan/Today's Zaman)