Relationships: Coping With All The Cultural Diversity

Some of you reading this are probably fans of two great actors, Sidney Poitier and Katharine Hepburn. In that case, you'll be familiar with the film “Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.” This groundbreaking story dealt with a controversial subject. You may not know this, but it was not until 1967 that in the US interracial marriage was legal in all the states.
The film also addressed the issue of black people acting in a prejudiced way towards other blacks who are getting on. In other countries the problem may be more a difference in economic status, between different nationalities, ethnic groups or religions, or even differences in education or football teams.
We all know that when the cross-cultural knot is tied, it may not always be just for love.
Another great film is “Green Card.” I love this romantic comedy film set in New York, which finds Frenchman George Faure entering into a marriage of convenience with a young woman so he can stay in America and she can rent an apartment reserved for married couples. The two people who have married do not feel comfortable living together. Perhaps you have felt like you do not quite fit into the environment or world of your partner's aspirations but are drawn into it because of your relationship.
When living and working abroad, it is normal to find yourself in a setting that does not come naturally to you. You may feel awkward in certain settings. You are not sure how to act or what to do. You keep trying to do what is culturally appropriate but may keep making mistakes. In “Green Card” the scene about finding the bathroom is both hilarious and suspenseful. Just imagine having to deal with that bathroom situation pretending that the place where you are is your house -- but really it isn't (just like in the film).
Many of us who are in cross-cultural relationships, on a personal level or as inter-reliant business relationships, find our lives being affected by others in a unique way every day. The international and culturally diverse world we live in, with its cross-cultural differences, can have an impact, for better or worse. Just in the US, where statistics and records are accessible, according to a 2008 Pew Research Center Report, the study found that a record 14.6 percent of all new marriages in the US in 2008 were between spouses of different races or ethnicities.
Globally speaking, in the past decade a record-breaking number of cross-cultural and cross-national marriages have occurred. As I mentioned, some do not marry just for love. Often in the media we read reports about some marrying for citizenship, work or other reasons. But for many, though it may be for love, this does not make life any easier.
I was intrigued by an article about Finnish people and cross-cultural marriages. In the study “EUDO Citizenship Observatory Country Report: Finland” by Jessica Fagerlund and Sampo Brander (January, 2013), it is stated that 30,000 foreigners who were married to Finns resided in Finland in 2005. It reports that on average the marriages last 11 years. The statistics also reveal an interesting fact: Unlike Turkey, where the majority are foreign women married to Turks, in Finland it is just the opposite. Finnish men are more likely to marry foreign women than Finnish women are to marry foreign men. Finnish men are particularly likely to marry women from Russia, Estonia and Thailand, whereas Finnish women tend to choose husbands from Britain and North America.
Just like in the film “Guess Who's Coming to Dinner,” you may find that you are in a similar situation to the young doctor, played by Poitier, who was the perfect future son-in-law but was hindered by his difference, in his case his race. His fiancée-to-be was white. Instead of race, it may be your nationality, your level of education, social class, religion, and so on… You may think you don't have a chance of ever being accepted.
The best advice I can offer to those who have written to me with their stories about their cross-cultural relationships on a personal level or at work is this.
Don't be too hard on those who don't accept you.
Have fair expectations for yourself.
Don't try to be something that you are not.
Globetrotting businesspeople and anyone else developing cross-cultural relationships need to be culturally aware. Both at an individual and organizational level, understanding the values, etiquette and protocols of different cultures can positively influence your dealings with others. When you make embarrassing gaffes, learn from them.
Just remember, "Life is an error-making and an error-correcting process." -- Jonas Salk

CHARLOTTE MCPHERSON (Cihan/Today's Zaman)