'When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple'

None of us can escape the process of aging. It does not matter where you are in the world, growing old is one of the hardest things to do in life. Some manage to do it gracefully; others fight it. Even in Turkish culture, where it is normal for the family to look after the weak and elderly, it brings many challenges.

You may be familiar with the words of the poem “When I am an old woman I shall wear purple”
by Joseph Jenny. When teaching English to Turks this was included in the lesson on the future tens:

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit…

A few months ago when a Pan Macmillan book representative visited my bookstore she gave me a sample copy of a newly published book, “The Little Old Lady Who Broke All the Rules” by Catharina Ingelman-Sundberg. This book has been translated from Swedish into English and has become an international bestseller. With a title like that you can imagine what the book is like -- definitely fun and entertaining. In short, it is the story about a group of feisty pensioners who break out of their retirement home in order to commit a crime that will put them behind bars. It creates mayhem in Stockholm. It is a hilarious romp through the city's grandest hotel, the National Museum of Art and a wild ferry crossing as the geriatric gang outwit law enforcement officers and even the mafia. The pensioners are convinced that conditions in jail would have to be better than in a retirement home.

Retirement homes are not so common in this culture and back home they can be quite controversial.

Sundberg has written her book in such a way that it is witty, wacky, a little wicked and wise, but underneath all this is a clarion call for better treatment and living conditions for our elderly.

Living abroad can be a witty and wacky experience in itself that hopefully brings some wisdom as we learn from our past mistakes and cultural gaffes. However, in time it also brings new situations to face – and hard ones at that. I was a caregiver for my mom for the last year-and-a-half of her life. This was hard when my life and work is in Turkey and my mother in America. It meant frequent trips across the Atlantic and middle of the night panicky phone calls from family members. As I flew back and forth across the Atlantic during this time to help with my mother's aging and health issues, the bookstore here continued by the grace of a good friend and business partner.

Many of us who have loved ones back home know one day that phone call may come and we'll need to get on a plane and go. In our own countries, particularly the United States, it's a common scenario: Let's say a person named Donna, who has taken leave from her workplace abroad to return home to bring her mother home from the hospital, once again now has to make hard choices that will affect her mother, her and the family. Her mother must live with Donna and Donna will remain apart for a time from her husband and children overseas because she can't leave her mom who can no longer be left alone. It will mean many adjustments for all, even for her dear mother, who has slowly had to give up her own home, car, personal and financial independence.

Turkey is ahead of many nations in caring for loved ones. Societal expectations are to care for the weak and elderly. In contrast to attitudes prevalent in many Western countries, individualism has not been encouraged in Turkey. The group concept is still strong. Turks have a responsibility to others in the group: A Turkish proverb reads, “Look after the orphan, feed the hungry and separate the fighters in a quarrel.” This is true to the extent that extended families purchase apartments in the same building. The primary school pledge of allegiance includes the promise to “respect my elders and protect those younger/weaker than me.”

I appreciate this aspect of Turkish culture and how members of a family do still care for one another. Let's hope it is not lost in the future. (CHARLOTTE MCPHERSON/TODAY’S ZAMAN)